How important are college entrance exams to your teen?
If your student is anxious about the ACT or SAT exams, collecting some information may help. Have your teen list colleges that may be of interest, and then research answers to two questions: How important are SAT or ACT scores to admittance at those schools? What range of scores do admitted students have? Your teen may be relieved by the answers. More schools are becoming test-optional, and students with a wide range of scores gain college admittance.
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Ask your teen to write about screen time
Watching TV or videos is usually a pretty passive activity. Why not make it a chance for your teen to build writing skills instead? Ask your student to write about the show. Then read and discuss your teen's writing and the shows. And if your teen watches less because writing about it seems like work? That frees up more time to read, exercise and engage in other positive screen-free activities.
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Study schedules help students stay on track
It isn't strictly necessary to study at the same time every day. But sticking to a study schedule is the best way for your teen to be sure to get homework done. Students are more likely to follow a schedule they make. So suggest that your teen schedule homework sessions on a calendar. They should be scheduled for times your teen is most alert. Help your student be realistic about the time each task will take.
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Review class expectations with your teen
Your teen is expected to participate in class activities, whether school is in person or online. Make it clear that this means arriving prepared and on time, paying attention, asking thoughtful questions and contributing to class discussions and group activities. Reinforce that paying attention means actively listening even when not called on, and not daydreaming in class. Your teen should also never do work for one class during another.
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A little extra studying makes a big difference
Often, when teens have poor study habits, they don't change them because they don't think it will help. To demonstrate the effect studying can have, challenge your teen to study one subject for an extra 15 minutes a day. The key is to make the time really count. Your teen might work on difficult math problems or make and take a sample history test. Then watch how the extra studying affects your student's grade.
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Do you know what to expect from your teen?
Many parents ask what is "typical" for kids their teen's age. Don't be surprised if your student needs your help but won't admit it, or stays on an emotional roller coaster: up one minute, then down. Your teen may argue more and criticize well-loved things such as home, school and you. Your teen will probably try your patience, and may even do as you suggest … but not while you're looking.
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Challenge your teen to map social media connections
Does your teen realize that an online friend who lives in Frankfort is in Kentucky, not Germany? Strengthen your student's geography skills by offering a challenge. Have your teen mark the locations of social media connections on a map. Which friend lives closest? Who lives farthest away?
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Share strategies to help your teen stay organized
Many teens need some help when it comes to getting organized. Help your teen establish a regular time and place for doing homework. Suggest making daily to-do lists and using a timer to help concentrate on the task at hand. Then help your student create regular routines, like preparing for the next day in the evening, and having a work area clean-up once a week.
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Observe Martin Luther King, Jr. Day by helping your teen find out more
Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Encourage your teen to learn its significance by researching facts about King's life and work. What causes did he support? What did he believe in? Talk with your teen about the concept of injustice. You might also read King's "I Have a Dream" speech together, then discuss King's dreams and what we can all do to help make sure they are fulfilled.
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Demonstrate what reading can do for your teen
Once students learn to read, parents often spend less time helping them maintain their skills. But this sends the wrong message. Instead, motivate your teen to read often by demonstrating the many benefits reading provides. Reading helps people: enjoy laughter and excitement, learn how to manage relationships, gain insights into themselves and others, understand current events and develop opinions and values.
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Know when to be firm and when to be flexible
Establishing discipline for teens can be a tricky business. The key is to know that some things are non-negotiable, like the standards of conduct you set, while other rules will have to adapt as your teen grows and changes. Don't try to avoid a fight by letting your student get away with being rude or slacking off on schoolwork. On the other hand, when your teen demonstrates consistently responsible behavior, consider allowing a little more freedom.
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Make a difference by getting involved with school
Even a little involvement by parents and family can make a difference in a teen's education. It isn't hard. You can tour the school to get a better understanding of what your teen is talking about. Or attend school events, especially those involving your teen. You can attend workshops for families or offer to plan one on a topic you think is important. Above all, keep in touch with your teen's teachers and ask how you can help at home.
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Help your teen develop executive skills
Does your teen constantly hand assignments in late, or procrastinate until there's no time left then rush and hand in sloppy work? Motivation may not be the issue. Your teen may be missing "executive skills." These planning and organizing skills are among the last to develop. To help build them, teach your student to make checklists, to minimize workspace clutter and to use visual reminders, like a big calendar.
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Teach your teen a process for solving problems
To succeed in school and become capable adults, teens need to learn to resolve problems for themselves. Teach your teen this six-step process to make problem-solving manageable: 1. State the problem in your own words. 2. Brainstorm a bunch of solutions. 3. Write down the pros and cons of each solution. 4. Choose a solution. 5. Try out your solution. 6. Evaluate. What did you learn?
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Steer your teen's urge to explore in a positive direction
Teens are excited about trying everything life has to offer. This is often positive. But sometimes it can mean trying drugs, alcohol or sex. To steer your teen's desire to explore in positive directions, suggest signing up for a class that sounds interesting or trying a new sport that looks fun. Just make it clear that exploration often involves responsibility. Getting a part in the play means seeing the show through.
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Think of yourself as a schoolwork coach, not a teammate
Schoolwork is your teen's responsibility. So instead of being an active participant in homework, think of yourself as a coach. To help your teen focus on the task ahead, ask specific questions, such as "What reading do you have for English tonight?" Encourage your student to work independently, but stay nearby to answer questions or help with review. And if an assignment is confusing, urge your teen to ask the teacher about it.
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Talk about emotions with your teen
It can be hard for teens to focus on schoolwork when their minds are full of conflicting thoughts and feelings about events in their lives. To help your teen sort things out, try sharing your own feelings. Start by saying things like, "I feel good when I …" or "It hurts me when … ." Then ask what makes your teen feel good (or sad, or angry). Talking about emotional topics can help students cope and let them refocus their attention where it needs to be.
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Keep teaching your teen important lessons
Parents of teens often feel like their kids would rather listen to anyone else but them. But the lessons you teach stick even when you're not around. They can give your teen the strength, for example, to say "no" to things that feel wrong. And if your teen does give in, reinforce the lesson in a straight-forward way, without put-downs. Your words can provide the strength your teen needs to say "no" next time.
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Encourage actions that help stop cyberbullying
Teens spend a lot of time texting their friends and communicating on social media. Not surprisingly, many bullies use these same digital channels to harass other students. Students can be effective leaders in preventing cyberbullying. Ask your teen to report any hurtful messages to a trusted adult. Your teen can also talk with other students and encourage them to agree that bullying is unacceptable.
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Parents of teens must wear many hats
Teachers know that the same approach doesn't always work with every student. In much the same way, you may need more than one approach when working with your teen. Sometimes, you need to be an observer and let your teen learn by taking responsibility for personal choices. When your student is working through problems, you can be an adviser or a negotiator. And when health and safety is at risk, you must be a director and call for action.
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